GOOD GRIEF - IS There Such A Thing?

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Grief often follows a predictable cycle of feelings. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross originally outlined these five

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

and the truth is - you may or may not go through the 5 steps above and sometimes for me, it hasn't been in that exact order and that's okay. Everyone experiences grief differently. I certainly believe that if you didn't LOVE, you wouldn't grieve. I have lost people (even blood relatives) and when told of their deaths, it was like - no big deal to me. Just another day. So for me LOVE causes suffering which causes grief. I've experienced tons of grief. The hardest for me has always been when people I love die. The relationships that fail, friendships that fail - etc. Those definitely hurt but not as FINAL as someone you LOVE so much and is now GONE FOREVER. Is there such a thing as good grief? I wish Charlie Brown had the answer. Going through life's stages and through the awful feelings that grieving causes, sometimes I don't believe that there is a good way to grieve or the right way. There is definitely no time limit and yes, people can get stuck in grief which is very traumatizing in itself. Once you reach acceptance, it's not a cure-all. It's basically (and in my experience) finding a new normal and moving on with life from that moment. Sometimes it can take months or even years. People ar

The day before my grandfather died on October 29, 1983 - he taught me a lesson at that time that has stuck with me my entire life. Did he know he would be teaching me this? Does he know now that I still remember his words and live by them? Samuel Paige my maternal grandfather was born June 3, 1914. Sydney Paige (Paige being her middle name) was named for him. He was one of the first recipients of open-heart surgery. It was about 1973 and there was one Doctor that traveled around the country performing it. I remember it was an extremely long surgery and that it was done at a hospital in Los Angeles called St. Vincent's. During his surgery my family sat inside a small chapel in the hospital and prayed to G-d he would pull through. Thankfully he did. That would keep him with us for about 10 years. The night before he died, I went to visit him in the hospital. We were talking about things that happen in life. He said to me, "Mamaleh, as you go through life, what you can't change, you have to accept." those words have stayed plastered to my heart.

From this lesson learned, I have lived through life that the things I can change, I do, or at least try to. The things I cannot change, #5. ACCEPTANCE - I must accept. Certainly, I may not like it but what is my choice?

I have read many books, have gone for bereavement therapy, and have learned many ways to cope with grief. Sometimes, it seems as though it never ends, but it does change and once it does, you can find a place where you can move on. There are physical symptoms as well as the emotional to grieving and you should be aware of them so that you can recognize when you may need intervention to assist you in moving forward with your healing. It shouldn't be shameful to admit you are not able to process correctly. There really is no perfect way to do this. Many people need to ask for help. I am one of those people.

Love can be a battlefield! Getting the help you need will assist in your recovery should you feel stuck. For now though. I will leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes that made/make perfect sense to me. I hope they do it to you as well. Always remember, Endings can be devastating but new beginnings can be eye-opening. Whether it's the end of a friendship, a lovers quarrel, relationships, or even the death of a loved one. Somehow, we can find hope even during these times that seem to be never-ending. Mourning for other situation's in life is normal as well. These can include divorce, illness, accidents, anything that makes your heart hurt can cause grief.

If you or someone you know is having trouble with grief. Please share my site with them, or give them my personal email at achocolatemush@gmail.com I will be more than available to help them. Sometimes it takes someone who's been through a lot of grief to be able to help someone during their darkest times. I will listen to them, help them, and refer them to the resources if need be. There are plenty of people who have been through lots of traumatic events that have caused much grief and there are many resources that will give them hope on their journey to healing. I think of loss as a hole in my soul. You don't always recover from this hole, you just find a place where you can continue on and you will.

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"Grief I've learned is just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just loved with no place to go." - Author Unknown

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"There are no happy endings.

Endings are the saddest part,

So just give me a happy middle

And a very happy start."

Shel Silverstein, A Light in the Attic

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All My Love~M

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